Tara Hedman (yep, the lady who runs this show) and I have been friends for years. A few years ago she asked me to help with what she calls, Ask a Guy Night. Prompted by the blank look on my face, she explained, “As I work with women, sometimes they ask me questions like, ‘Why do men do that!?!?’ to which I reply with something like, “Well, I’m not a man. So…”
As a result, periodically, she began hosting, Ask a Guy Night. She bills it as an evening where you can learn, “Everything you ever wanted to know about a guy but never asked.” No question is off limits. Anyone is invited and it’s held at the local library.
I’ve had the privilege, a couple of times, to be on a panel of three men asked to field questions. It is an honor I do not feel worthy of and a task I do not feel equipped to handle. To be trusted with wounded and healing hearts is both humbling and terrifying.
Their questions range from innocuous curiosity to painful probing but are not accusatory or combative. And I think that’s because they desperately just want to know one thing, “Why?”
“Why did he cheat? Why did he hurt me? Why won’t he listen? Why is sex so important? Why won’t he quit looking at porn? Why does he talk to me that way? Why is he so dismissive?”
I walk out of those meetings emotionally exhausted. It’s a heavy thing to see the impact a man can have in a woman’s life. The damage we can do. Even good men, who act thoughtlessly, without consideration for the needs or the heart of their partner, can do tremendous damage. Not in malice but in mindlessness.
More than that though, the night takes me back to times in my own marriage when I have been the offender. The callous one. The wounder. I grieve again the brokenness I have caused. I am thankful again for the grace I’ve received.
I wish every man had a chance to sit on the panel of “Ask a Guy Night.” To sit publicly in vulnerability and exposure and hear the heart of a wounded woman. It makes me want to be a better husband. It makes me want to be a better man.