What makes a person ready to reconcile? While it largely depends on the person and specifics of the situation, I created a visual about how I imagine this process works. I compare this process to building a doorway or opening in a brick wall. In ancient cities, there traditionally was the main entry point that acted as the key to a city. The walls are designed to protect the city, and the doorway is designed for the city to be selective about who enters it. Stories tell of a particular door ...read more
Reconciliation? Part I
Has someone ever really hurt you? ...Yea, me too. I also know I’ve been the one to do the hurting. Eventually, I became curious about the word, “forgiveness.” I’ve had a difficult time knowing where the step of reconciliation fits in the forgiveness process, or if it fits in at all. I can think of plenty of examples where reconciliation is not possible: when the perpetrator is not remorseful, no longer living, or is unwilling to change the hurtful action. Surely, I thought, reconciliation ...read more
Uneven Ground
A few years ago, I was enjoying my time with a little girl who was learning to walk. She would hold my finger and toddle around, only letting go when she wanted to change directions. There’s a sweetness when walking with a young child; an innocence you feel needs to be protected and held onto. We didn't have any worries as we walked together. All she needed was my finger to remain confident and steady. There was no struggle, no strife… and no development. As we walked with her, Nancy ...read more
Sand, S’mores, and Sunglasses (at night)
Every summer I spend two weeks on the coast. Most years, a friend will join me for the first week. The rest of the vacation it’s just me, waves, whales, and an abundant supply of audiobooks. One night during last year’s vacation it was late and my friend and I were the only two left on the beach as we were drowning out our fire to head back to the car. Two men walked out from behind a bend in the rocks and were approaching. We convinced ourselves (rather quickly, I might add) that we were ...read more
Sailing With Your Therapist
If you asked me what different parts of the boat are called, or how to tie different sailor’s knots, you’d get a blank stare in return. I have been sailing once or twice and loved it. The depth and reflective properties of water have always been a strong pull for me. When I first started working in private practice, my connection to water continued. The visual I formed of how sessions progress started off like deep sea diving. There wasn’t much to this analogy for me. I vaguely pictured that ...read more
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