Something I help clients learn is how to utilize the phrase, “what I make up about that is.....” Much of what we think and say is “made up”. The stories we make up aren’t about lying. Lying has a different intention. The stories we make up are about how we have filled in the blanks. The difficulty is we present these details as fact. They aren’t. They are truly “what we make up”. It can seem reasonable because we are very familiar with a specific historical pattern. So, we make the ...read more
Victimization and Finding True North
Many years ago, I was struggling to set my world upright after a devastating emotional earthquake and the relational aftershocks. As the flashbacks of abuse came like a foreign invader into my world, I didn’t know who to trust. Or, how to trust. As I worked with a counselor to steady myself, I found my capacity to perceive my experiences were not 20/20. My counselor was kind, patient, and skilled at knowing how to reset my equilibrium. She once gave me this homework: Whatever you would ...read more
Chocolate, Cheez-Its, and a Yarn Snob
After an hour of the usual routine to get back to sleep, I'm still awake at 2 a.m. Resigned that I'm up for a while, there are some things I’d like to get done. I grab my computer (yes, counselors make bad life choices) and I poke around on my To Do list. While researching some info, an advertisement pops up for yarn. Such an innocent little ad. No big deal. Just some hand-spun, white angora heavenliness. The part of me that lives solely to stash copious amount of yarn clicks on the ...read more
When Feeling Joy Requires Courage
When life is filled with pain, betrayal, and heartache, it takes great courage to allow joy. When anger and fear are the feelings primarily modeled for us, they become the essential building blocks of our emotional DNA. We understand pain and shame. They are expected. We know how to behave and what to anticipate when unenjoyable feelings are on the scene. The first time I became aware that joy was difficult to accept, I was about to leave on vacation. At the time, I was working for a ...read more
Why We Like Likes: Choosing Moments Over Memories
I recently read an article about a couple whose gender reveal party didn’t go as planned. The balloon store made an error. They used bright, mixed balloons instead of pink or blue. The mother-to-be ends up in tears and the father-to-be begins cursing. They rectify the situation, and re-enact the scene with the correct color of party supplies for the camera. When the experience of recording an event becomes more essential than experiencing the event, we have risen to the level of PhD in ...read more