Every summer I spend two weeks on the coast. Most years, a friend will join me for the first week. The rest of the vacation it’s just me, waves, whales, and an abundant supply of audiobooks. One night during last year’s vacation it was late and my friend and I were the only two left on the beach as we were drowning out our fire to head back to the car. Two men walked out from behind a bend in the rocks and were approaching. We convinced ourselves (rather quickly, I might add) that we were ...read more
The Stories We Make Up (or How to Screw Up Relationships)
I have a wonderful dogsitter named Bonnie. She takes my two little furry nuggets on walks, lets them out to potty, and when she’s at the house for extended periods, she does dishes, makes the bed, and takes out the trash. She’s pretty fantastic and everyone should have a Bonnie. Recently, I walked into the house after work and she still happened to be there. We made small talk as she sat down on the couch. Her face was very serious and her tentative body language said something was ...read more
Victimization and Finding True North
Many years ago, I was struggling to set my world upright after a devastating emotional earthquake and the relational aftershocks. As the flashbacks of abuse came like a foreign invader into my world, I didn’t know who to trust. Or, how to trust. As I worked with a counselor to steady myself, I found my capacity to perceive my experiences were not 20/20. My counselor was kind, patient, and skilled at knowing how to reset my equilibrium. She once gave me this homework: Whatever you would ...read more
21 Signs of Spiritual Abuse (Or, No, You’re Not Crazy!)
Spiritual abuse comes in many forms. It can be subtle or overt. It's damaging regardless of the shape it takes. Most spiritual abuse isn’t the sort that gets news coverage. When children are taken from their homes because a cult leader has sexually abused them in the name of God, it’s easy to call it spiritual abuse. But, it’s the more subtle, mainstream abuse that's widespread. A recent conversation with a friend caused me to consider how to better define and outline spiritual abuse. As ...read more
On the Hook: Why We Run
Last night a Bassett Hound puppy and his early twenty-something human were practicing commands in the thick grass along the shore of Lake Dillon. I had a great view from the deck of the rental condo. I watched for a while, wanting to kiss the little pup right between the eyes on his velvety face. The smart puppy was learning sit, stay, down, and come. He was obedient and eager-to-please. Puppy perfection. This morning, I’m again on the deck. This time with a piece of toast and a cup of tea ...read more